I am happy.

No more parties.
No more fake friends.
No more drinking with random people.
No more cheating.

Im starting over.
Throwing everything out the door.
Goodbye old friends.
Hello new friends.


IM A BETTER PERSON!
You can trust me now.

depressed.

Ive decided to take a long break from this livejournal thing. Im starting to get way to personal in my entrys and its becoming a topic in others conversations which i never wanted. Ill be posting every so often with very few details. Im making everybody way to obvious in my entrys, and thats something i need to be more careful about. Before i take a break though, i want to announce one last thing. Maybe announce isnt the right word. Id like to let people know, rather, how sorry i am for my past actions. You all know exactly what im talking about. I honestly feel like a piece of shit every time its mentioned or thought about. I will never so that again, and all though you may not believe me, the people that matter will. The people that honestly do matter already understand how upset i am about the situation and how much ive learned and changed from it. I felt the need to try to get others to understand how i feel though. This is my last shot though. From here on out, i plan on ignoring everything. Although that may be hard. I need it though. So please you guys. Dont see me as a bad person. Im not a bad person i swear. Dont see me as a mistake to others as well. I wont let anyone down anymore. I promise. Ill prove that to you.

To let this out. I couldnt hold this in any longer.



I
am
sad

I
once
again
feel
alone


I dont think this will ever be able to go away.
Knowing that people out there actually hate me, hurts me to an extent you dont even know.

I want to be loved.

That truth box was shit. I got half and half with good and bad. Constantly being called immature and being reminded of a huge mistake i made that is seriously nobodys business but mine was hard. The thought of those comments being true really hurts me. I dont treat boys bad. I know i fucked up my past relationship by treating my ex badly, but i beat that half the boys and girls that sent those comments to me telling me that, have done the same thing. Most of you people shouldnt be talking. Speak for yourself. As for my immaturity. Yeah. Your right. Im immature. Im sixteen though. Do you expect me to have the maturity level of a twenty year old? Sorry i cant do that for you. Id like to think that im rather mature for age, and for once im not going to let other peoples thoughts influence mine. Im sick of being wrapped around everyones fingers. Im thinking for myself. Im loving myself.

To end this entry im going to give a huge fuck you to everyone that doesnt like me and doesnt even know me. How immature of me, right? I know. If you do know me though, and honestly dont like me for reasons i dont even care about then so be it. Im okay with that, because at least you gave me a shot.

Ive forgotten about you.  Although that might be sad and not what me and you both wanted, im glad it happened.  Your not constantly on my mind anymore.  Im finally able to think about other things now.  Im happy.  

The other night, when i had a conversation with bob he told me that i needed to start loving myself before i could love someone else.  Thats sticking with me so much.  I really do need to start being happier with myself.  I need to be able to stand myself alone for atleast two days, without getting depressed.  So far, ive been fine being alone.  So far, ive been loving myself.  Not to and extent where its me becoming big headed.  Its just so that i can stand myself when i need to.  It feels good having that too.  Once again im happy.

Im giving up.  Your gone.  I can move on.  Theres other fish in the sea.  I just cant be alone.  If i am i start thinking to much, and i start missing you.  It wont be hard to not be alone for awhile.  i have friends that will keep me company.  The fact that i fall so easily for boys helps me too.  i can easily find another you.  A better you.  A boy that actually wants me. 

i want to start my own band.

Im always the one that you can count on to ruin a good thing.  I take everything i have and throw it down the drain, and once i dont have it i finally realize how much i needed or wanted that thing.  Maybe this break will be just as good for me as it will be for you.  I need thinking just as much as you, i suppose.  Before i told myself every day that i didnt regret anything.  I do though.  I always did.  I just wanted to make myself feel better, so i told myself that i didnt regret it.  What a lie.  i cant let this go though.  Im fighting for this, and i plan on doing so until everything is fixed and in the right place.

i love how your boring.  I really do.  I love how were both so different.  Im going to get bored and feel trapped, but thats okay because ill be with you.  I want to feel trapped with you.  You can teach me so much.  You already have.  i know im not exactly what you want.  I know you cant talk to me about half the things you would like to talk to someone about, but ill at least listen.  Maybe i wont be able to put my input on it, but ill listen and ill take in everything you say.  I want to be everything you want me to be.  I want to be your perfect girl.  Im going to keep making mistakes.  I always do.  Everyone does.  Ill never make a mistake like the one i did though, ever again.  I dont want to hurt you again, and i dont want to fill your life with drama.  Im usually not like that.......i just lied.  Im always really dramatic.  Ill change that though.  Ill change that for you.  Youll see.  Im going to fix this.  i really am.  I promise.

I love you.
I want you back.
Im going to fix things.

im depressed.  why?  i have no reason to be.  i need a deep conversation.  i need my friends.  i need late nights again.


i can never be alone.
i think to much.

about.                                                   how i hate myself so much.




im supposed to be content and happy.  im supposed to love me.                 its time i start 


                                                                                                                                       forgetting.